


Hello to darkness

by MordorNPP



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, brief appearance of Stephanie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 14:55:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9187154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MordorNPP/pseuds/MordorNPP
Summary: Robbie realizes he is not the person he usually is. Or: Robbie is struck with depression.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a lot to @allthestarsinthefirmament, who kindly agreed to beta it!  
> This contains a bit of my personal experience.  
> It was a little inspired by this art: http://bearhat-gets-lazy.tumblr.com/post/154603632475

“Hey, Robbie!” The voice of the pink girl pulls the villain out of the emptiness of his dreams. He shudders, opens his eyes, sits up from the bench that he had been sleeping on, and stares blankly forward.

“We haven’t seen you around lately”, the girl continues with a concerned look. “Are you okay?”

Robbie Rotten grunts and slowly turns his head to face the girl straight on. There are dark purplish circles under his eyes, and his face is paler than usual. His hands are shaking a bit as well, and his look is as heavy as a ton of bricks.

“Yes, I’m okay, you brat!” he says with irritation. “Can’t you see it?”

 

***

 

The big, purple, velvet cake filled with soft white cream seems too dry and tastes like paper. Robbie eats it without any joy. It used to be his favorite and the most expensive one of any of the cakes he usually bought. He had once read in a book that you should treat yourself with your favorite things when you are sad, so he had bought himself that huge cake and a bottle of soda, sat down in his armchair comfortably, and turned on his television to watch a funny show. This was supposed to help. 

Now Robbie can’t wait for the moment when he feels better; he is certain that it will come with the taste of sweet food and a nice entertainment. Even the children seem quiet today for some reason, and the villain hopes it will last for this day at least.  

He takes a bite of his cake, expecting to feel the burst of energy and happiness, but nothing really changes.

“I’m having so much fun”, Robbie thinks, or tries to think at least, but he doesn't believe the sentiment. Nothing is cheering him up, and he's not having fun. Maybe, he thinks, if he keeps repeating it to himself something will change. 

But now, even though no one else is disturbing him yet in his small quiet world, this doesn’t seem like fun. The TV on the background keeps making noise, the soda bottle and the cake stay almost untouched, while Robbie stares somewhere into the void, lost in deep thought.

Later on, Robbie gets sick because of the cake he’s eaten.

***

He tries to fall asleep numerous times, but wakes up after a short time, either of nightmares (of past and probable future) or for no particular reason. Even small visits to that dream oblivion don’t help; the number one villain feels like he didn’t sleep at all. It might be because of the amount of coffee and  caffeinated soda he drank before, or because of the cold nature of his lair -he needs to fix the heater-. Or buy a new one. Later.

Curled up in his armchair, with a dozen  blankets, the sleep does not come. The disturbing thoughts remain. He tries to count sheep or whatever people do. That makes the thoughts multiply, making him remember that he was able to fall asleep quickly before, he just needed to make himself comfortable. Robbie remembers the day when he fell asleep in Sportacus’ arms. It was really embarrassing, but… pleasant at the same time? It felt warm and nice, and the elf’s muscles…. Wait, he can’t think that! He tries to brush these thoughts away, and after some time he managed to do it. The thoughts are replaced with worse ones until he is drowning in thoughts of how he is so disgusting nobody even wants to touch him.

***

He wants to lie still all day, but then he convinces himself he can’t do that, he has to see what the children and the blue elf are up to that day. He dozes off in a few places, but the weariness remains. No one really pays attention to him though; everyone is busy with their usual activities and games. He only  receives a few meaningless “Hey Robbie”s. Not that Robbie needs a lot of attention now, though.

He ends up back in his armchair, with the same heaviness and still more exhaustion. Moving only made him  more tired. There was too much noise, but he wasn’t willing to come up with a plan to stop it, or to try a disguise, let alone get up and see what’s going on. This definitely isn’t just his usual fatigue.

***

“If you are feeling sad, you can talk to a friend or someone you trust”, Robbie reads in one of the books he picks up out of boredom. Friends, Robbie smirks, he doesn’t have any friends, or any person to talk to. He has never had any. He can’t even have a normal conversation; he always ruins it one way or another. He can’t socialize normally. He is bad, he is the villain, he isn’t supposed to make friends with anyone. Nobody likes him, no one ever will.

Robbie feels like a dark liquid is flowing into his chest, filling it completely and making it heavy. No, he isn’t just sad or tired. Something more serious than that, but he doesn’t know what to do with it. He can’t let it out, he can’t fix it. Just like every other thing he is trying to do to make life better, he is useless here. He can only stare at the wall, hoping it will go away. This thing doesn’t intend to go away. It fills him completely, making him drown in it like  a rushing river. 

***

He decides to get out of his lair for no reason, just to look at the sky. Dark grey clouds cover it, and it looks like it would rain soon, but it doesn’t, it just gets colder and colder. Robbie wishes it would rain soon and decides to wait outside until the rain starts, but nothing is changing for a very long time. 

Finally, Robbie gives up, he should try and get some sleep again. He attempts to open the hatch, but he’s too weak to do that – a few attempts and he falls down. His hands are too cold and his knees too, they feel bruised. This is too much. He hurts, he is too tired and he has no idea what to do next.

Robbie covers his face in despair, unable to stop the stream of tears from his eyes that are now red and swollen. Sitting behind the cow billboard, at the outskirts of the town, alone and abandoned. No one would even hear him cry; only pieces of used metal surround him. He is sitting like that,  tears dropping silently for hours, it seems.

“Robbie?”

A voice breaks into this kingdom of isolation and quiet. Robbie doesn’t even have to turn to recognize whose voice it is, but he turns anyway, just to make sure on a conscious level, perhaps.

“S-sportaflop”, - he stutters, choking up the tears and heavily breathing. He hadn't expected anyone to see. 

“Robbie, what’s wrong?” – The athletic hero approaches him quickly. “My crystal was buzzing. Are you hurt?”

The villain would answer and would probably tell him to go away, but the words can’t get out of Robbie’s throat. Tremor runs over all his body, the tears won’t stop, and now there is also the embarrassment that his enemy sees him like that, weak and broken. He probably looks like a mess, oh, what a pitiful and miserable sight he is now… This is why, he thinks, no one would -should, he corrects himself- be his friend. 

Suddenly, Robbie can feel strong arms embracing him firmly, supporting him, as it would bring him out of this cage of self hatred and loathing. 

“Robbie, it’s okay, you can tell me”, Robbie hears the voice right near his ear. What has he become? It if it were as usual, he would just push the elf away and say something offensive, but now he can’t even move, he can’t even think straight. He breathes in and out multiple times, too many times - _ he feels so weak and stupid- _ before he can speak again.

“I don’t want to feel like this,” the wrecked villain finally says, drawing  his hands from his face and involuntarily touching one of the Sportacus’ hands. “I don’t want it! I don't want any of it!”

“I understand, Robbie,” Sportacus sounds calm and peaceful, keeping hold of Robbie and not letting him go. “You can tell me everything once you’re able to speak again. Okay?”

Robbie is still shaking, but he’s regaining more and more of his consciousness. All the things disturbing and troubling him are still inside, but now he feels safe, and maybe they might be let out. The pain is not unbearable, nothing is hopeless anymore. He wonders if the holes inside him will be mended. Maybe the sky will get clearer later, after all. 

He turns his face to Sportacus, nods, and puts his arms around him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I'll write something more to that. Who knows.  
> Please tell me what you think! And check out my tumblr page: http://robbielosthiscake.tumblr.com


End file.
